Halloween Party Planning

Health, safety and the strangulation of fun

Halloween Party Planning

It’s time that we three meet again
to plan how we will entertain 
the guests at our great annual meet,
the Halloween witches’ treat.
It gets much harder every year.
We always have a nagging fear
of injuries and accidents
or, worse, that we might give offence,
and so with extra special care
we start to plan and to prepare.

Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble

We used to party all night long
but these days that’s considered wrong.
The noise abatement rules are strict,
carousing late an interdict,
and so we’ll start at half past seven;
guests will leave before eleven.
We’ll ask each one to be so good
and not disturb the neighbourhood,
no late-night chants or incantation –
strictly no inebriation!

Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble

The fire alight, the cauldron fired,
Beware, it’s HOT! the signs required,
and just in case the warnings fail
we’re putting up a safety rail.
The recipe says: eye of newt.
We had to find a substitute,
the newts round here aren’t small and plain,
they’re all of the Great Crested strain
protected legally from harm.
We hope that cats’ eyes work the charm,
I found some loose upon the road
beside a splattered, flattened toad
and scooped them up and threw the lot
into the boiling charmèd pot.

Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble

We’ve made another pot with quorn.
We thought it only fair to warn
the vegans of the toe of frog,
the wool of bat and tongue of dog.
Their version is a lighter brew,
free from entrails in their stew,
no lizard, fenny snake or newt,
but lots of extra hemlock root.

Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble

My dear familiar was a rat,
a cheeky little chap called Pat.
Happily we spent our time
concocting spells and chanting rhyme,
until the day I was informed
by autocrats in uniform
that rats should only be confined
with other creatures of their kind.
To have one as my closest friend
was wrong, they said, and had to end.
With that they took poor Pat away
(he’s with the RSPCA).
And so each guest will come alone
and leave familiars at home.
It’s better really when you think
that scales and fur and warts all stink –
a nightmare as we follow the science
of environmental health compliance.

Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble

And so at last the day has dawned.
We’re safety checked; the neighbours warned;
the howlet’s wing is in the oven;
hell-broth’s ready for the coven;
we’ve cleared a space for a broomstick park;
put lanterns out so it’s not too dark;
there’s a yellow cone to mark the spot
where gall of goat spilled from the pot;
ingredients checked and in good state
and all within their use-by date;
the allergens are on a list –
there isn’t anything we’ve missed.

Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble

The time is nigh, the set of sun.
Will our event be any fun?
Will all our careful safety rules
be kept by witches, ghosts and ghouls?
Or should we say: To hell with all
The Rules! Let’s throw a wilder ball!
Discard the plastic vampire teeth
and gather on that blasted heath
to free our spirits for one night
and see who flies and who takes fright.
 

Photo image downloaded free from Pixabay, with thanks and appreciation