Coronavirus Briefing

Lest we forget

Remember those? The daily blind-us-with-The-Science briefings where “experts” told us numbers that may or may not have related to anything in the real world, and repeated words that may or may not have had any meaning but were useful tools of hypnosis. I did what regular Brits do in such circumstances: I took the piss.

Looking back on this silly video I posted to a tiny audience on Facebook in spring 2020, I notice that it was liked by some of the most compliant people I know. It was still OK to approach the situation with humour, apparently. Perhaps they perceived a jibe at the Terrible Tories rather than a questioning of the nonsense? Due to this likely misunderstanding, I was still on safe ground.

CORONAVIRUS BRIEFING – AN EXPERT EXPLAINS

The collated data indicates
indices dating back to March
when the unprecedented march of clichés
rose exponentially.

Exponential took an early lead:
it saw unprecedented use
until it reached its peak
in the last week of March.

Unprecedented then rose exponentially
with unprecedented speed,
its curve more like an arch.

We see the curve flattening for exponential
in April.

But with great resilience
and unprecedentedly,
unprecedented still persisted
until recently.

The Science has been quoted consistently,
in spite of the reality
that The Science is not one entity.

This fallacy spreads at a rate of R2;
despite not being true,
we all ramp it up.

Ramping Up has been ramped up.

The unprecedented curve has flattened.

Flattening the curve
now sees an exponential rise.
From the latest data we surmise
that flattening the curve
is getting on people’s nerves
just as it’s about to hit its peak.
We anticipate the curve will flatten
for flattening the curve next week.

This will give us spare capacity
for ramping up opacity
about the newest variable on the graph,
its exponential growth path already steeply angular –
giving exponential a surprise second peak.

Stay Home: tear up your calendar.

Stay home: expand your vernacular.

Stay home: check your dictionary for Granular.

Peppy Scott 2020